College Happenings

I am so sad today, this week, and last.

Everything was going so smooth and so great.  I think actually the last bump in the road that hurt like this was last year this time when I was still in school.  I did something stupid school wise and, well, it was no good.

Now, here I am planning my wedding, making invites, picking out my wedding dress and then all of a sudden, BAM.  Crappy stuff happens.  Only this time, it didn’t happen directly to me.  Crappy stuff happened to my man, and since I am an extension of him, or we are of each other.  Basically, if something bad happens to him, it happens to me.  His stress is my stress and vice versa.  And that is bad enough, three big yucky things to deal with. 

But, that isn’t the end of it.  Bad things are going on in my brothers life too.  I would rather all the yucky stuff come in my life.  Because I have faith in God, and I know eventually, everything will be ok.

But, my brother, he isn’t exactly an open book when it comes to his feelings.  So, I don’t know how he deals.  I wonder to myself, does he ever cry?  Maybe, when he is alone in his truck driving the long drive home.  Does he think about his troubles and feel despair.  I picture him alone with his thoughts, feeling overwhelmed with life. That makes me cry.  I would like to take all of his troubles and put them on me.

Today, I talked to my dad and I could hear the sadness in his voice.  He is sad because his children are hitting rough patches in life and he can’t fix it.  So that makes me sad too.

I don’t understand why we all have to go through crap all at once it seems.  I know that God has a reason, but right now, it is so hard to see.