College Happenings

College is an amazing time. Not only because of the learning, the expansion of the mind, or the coming into ones own…but also because of all the hot girls and the crazy shit they’re willing to do ( and I don’t JUST mean sexually).

One thing you should know, however, is that ALL OF THAT will change as soon as college is over. College is a time of experimentation, and for sewing of wild oats. For most ladies, as soon as college is over, it’s time to get serious. Some will forget about all of the wild things they did – others will get offended if you even suggest they did anything out of the ordinary…even if you have pictures, video, and police reports.

So, with that in mind, I want to let you know of some things that you’re college girlfriend will be willing to do that your wife won’t…even if they’re the same person.

5. Express Interest in your hobbies – Sure, you see her eyes glaze over when you start talking about Halo 3, football, or anything else in the world that’s actually important…but she does listen. She nods her head, and politely lets you discuss the things that interest you – to a point…

…but once you’ve graduated…she’s going to expect you to “grow up”. “Video games are for kids”…”if you spent half as much time working as you did watching football, we’d be millionaires”. You will hear these things…oh yes…and you will weep on the inside…

4. Tolerate your drunk buddies - Your girlfriend, especially if the two of you are newly in love, is much more likely to tolerate your drunk, idiot buddies now…because there is NO WAY she’ll do it after college. Enjoy your football games, Xbox nights, and general dumbassery now – because your wife ain’t putting up with it.

3. Help you when you pass out - If you party too hard, and the lights go out – when you’re in college (if you haven’t pissed her off yet that night) your girlfriend will help you to a bed, couch or chair…she might even help you the toilet if the evening decides to come back up on you.

When you’re married, however…she will cuss at you, throw you out of the house, and might even stand over you with a bottle of ammonia as you vomit your guts up. Don’t come home passed out drunk after you exchange rings….or you’ll wake up to find all your crap out on your front lawn.

2. Do your homework – In college, if you say the right thing, or bat your eyes (or belch and fart…whatever turns your chick on) the right way, you can get help with any assignments you bring home.

When you graduate, and enter “the real world” she stops doing homework…and starts assigning it. From taking out the trash, to refinancing the car, to calling the cable company to block the adult channels – she’ll come up with more BS for you to do than you’ll ever be able to accomplish…and every time you get to the end of the list…she’ll ad “just one more little thing”…until you go insane…

1. Two words: the butt.