It usually depresses me. 

During my last semester of school I became really, really disillusioned with the J-school.  I went into the school with big dreams.  I thought I was a pretty good writer and I really had a heart for the news.  The J-school slowly sucked it out of me. 

Day after day I saw teachers pick their favorites and help guide them.  While I chose my favorite teachers, no one chose me.  It didn’t matter that I had good grades or put together study groups.  No teacher ever took an interest in me and my studies. 

That really frustrated me.  I began to grow very resentful of the faculty, and even the students that were clearly favored. 

I wasn’t alone in my feelings.  I remember a discussion one time with a group of my friends.  We were very hot one day because a student whose parents had donated money to the new school got introduced to the people from National Geographic.  This kid sucks ass as a photographer.  He’s not so great as a person either.  But the point is.  The faculty gave him special treatment because of his parents money. 

I guess school really does reflect real life. 

Today, I am especially down about school and my degree. 

This morning on Montana Today there was a segment on a kid I went to school with.  ( A Hotty) He went to Afghanistan this summer and wants to be a foreign correspondent.  I am sure he will go far. 

That is what I wanted to do.  I wanted to travel to Africa and the Middle East and report on wars and genocide.  Now I just get to watch other people do it.  The sad thing is not that I am not doing that.  But that the J-school made me doubt myself.  It made me think that dream wasn’t even worth trying for.  Because none of the teachers ever saw in me what I could see in myself.  I listened to them.  I thought if I am not good enough for Professor A or B then I am not good enough to do much.  I found myself looking for an easy way out.  I found myself interning at the Ravalli Republic instead of trying for the Dow Jones and going to California.  I look back and I am sad because I didn’t even try.  I went in to that school with high hopes and big dreams and I graduated feeling like I had made a huge mistake.  But now, I can see my big mistake wasn’t choosing journalism.  My mistake was that I stopped believing in myself and started listening to people that didn’t have a clue about who I was or who I could be. 

I don’t want to sound like I am blaming the J-school for me not having the job I thought I would.  My life took a different course for a lot of different reasons, and I am happy with what I have.  

But, sometimes, when I see other people going where I thought I would, I have to stop and think; I think that when it comes to journalism, I made some mistakes and then just gave up.  

It is odd and refreshing at the same time.

Part of me feels like I am not really done and part of me knows better.

I have yet to find a “real” job, I have yet to really look.

I will be taking about a year off to pursue other interests before starting on a career.

What a breath of fresh air.

Now, I have to get a real job and pretend to be a grown up.

I am taking spanish 102 for my final class ever! Well, unless I get a masters, but that is not in my imediate future, so yeah for me I am almost done.

Eduardo is my spanish teacher. He is from Peru. He is nice and all and has a knack for drawing on the whipe board, but please speak a little english.

I don’t even know the difference in preterite and perfect/imperfect nouns or verbs in english, so how am I supposed to get it in spanish.

Read the book over and over I guess. It is starting to sink in, I think.

Now I have five more weeks to go. Only Espanol. Yeah!

It is getting to hot to be sitting in class. I want to be on the river.

I’ll be done with class every day with plenty of daylight left for fun in the sun.

Winning something free is winning something free.

The best part was that I knew the answer to a question, and I learned the info in school.

The question was in 1966 Stokely Charmichael became the president of SNCC. What does SNCC stand for?

I knew the answer, do you?

On another note, one of my ducks was kidnapped last night and taken to her death. If you have any information regarding this crime please let me know.

There is ample parking on campus, a great plus and very few people at school.

I have three classes. They are two hours each and run back to back. It makes for a long day, but it only lasts five weeks and we have Fridays off. One of my classes requires a lot of reading, but the class discussion is pretty good.

Actually the class discussion has so far consisted of me and one other girl answering the teachers questions. The other four people in the class must be intimidated by my obviously huge intellect. (just kidding)

I turned in my final two papers today. They were for History. I think I did pretty good one one and not so much on the either.

Usually something like that would kill me. But right now I care more about just being done. This was definately not my favorite semester. In fact I think it was my least favorite of all semesters.

I am looking forward to summer classes though. That is nuts. Isn’t it?

I think I am just excited because I only have 10 more weeks of school…ever. I will be completely done. Unless I decide I want to get my masters.

My summer classes will be good I think. They look interesting.

For now, for a week, I can take a break.

I hate finals week. Who doesn’t?

My week is actually not to bad. I only have two five page papers. I am almost done with one.

What really bugs me about finals week is how all that information swims around in my head until I am done.

Last night I dreamed about the NAACP and equal protection vs seperate but equal. When I went to sleep I thought I knew the difference. Now I am confused again.

One of my papers is comparing “Black Power” with “Soul on Ice.”

I am not looking forward to that one.

I had better get crackin!

The nice thing about getting this paper back is that it means there is only one more paper to go and then I’m done. After that paper, I am only 10 weeks away from being completely done.

I love school, but the thought of being done and having my degree is so wonderful!

No more long drives to Missoula everyday, no more annoying freshmen girls shrieking over some new gossip and showing way to much skin, especially for January.

No more competing, no more worrying over assignments and due dates.

No more hearing about the path I should be on as a future journalist. No more feeling like I am not good enough because my goal isn’t to work at the NY Times.

There are the things I will miss. My favorite professor, Clem. Seeing my friends and hearing them freak out about school and I do enjoy the whole learning thing, I will miss that.

I will really miss being on campus. The University of Montana has a beautiful campus. There are mountains in the backgrounds, vast green lawns, a variety of lush green trees and bushes. Flowers are planted around many of the buildings. Many of the buildings are old and have interesting architecture. The forestry building for instance is two toned brick and has little pine tree tiles around the building near the roof. It’s cool.

I guess I don’t need to get all misty eyed over it yet. I still have five weeks of this semester and then summer classes.

Still, at least I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.