We got such a great response to our list of 28 Cliche Dorm Room Posters that we figured we should put together a list of funny College T-shirts. We’re sure we didn’t find all the best funny college t-shirts out there, so we’d love it if you’d add some suggestions in the comments. Thanks!
MetroDad is my new favorite blog. He made my day today. His stuff is always great, but you all have got to read his current post.
He is traveling abroad at the moment and letting us know how being away from America makes him appreciate it more.
Here is his most recent post. Well, most of it.
AMERICA: LOVE IT AND LIVE IT (A METRODAD RANT)
America sure has been taking a beating lately. Pick up any newspaper and you’ll see poll after poll demonstrating that citizens of foreign nations have an increasingly unfavorable opinion about our beloved country.
Look, I get it. No matter what you think of him, George Bush is probably not the greatest representation of our country’s people. And it’s clear that America’s increased intervention (and surprisingly consistent bungling) in foreign affairs is the cause of this general discontent with America.
But make no mistake, my foreign friends. America is still the greatest country in the world. Nowhere else in the world can individuals rise out of nothing and achieve their dreams. Shit, after serving in the U.S. army during the Korean War, my dad came to this country so broke he was 30 cents away from a quarter and couldn’t afford the hole out of a donut. Now, he rolls like P.Diddy! (ok, not really but if P.Diddy was a 73-year-old Korean man with an addiction to golf and his granddaughter, there might be a faint resemblance.)
Anyway, it’s nice to be reminded how much other people abroad actually love everything about America.
Last week in Vietnam, I met a guy who spoke flawless English. When I asked him how he learned it, he told me he used to stay up late at night in bed listening to the Voice of America radio broadcasts. I thought this was one of the coolest things I’d ever heard in my life!
When he found out I was from NYC, he freaked out and enthusiastically yelled, “New York! I LOVE the Yankees! My dream is to have a big car that I can drive to Yankee Stadium one day and eat American hot dogs!”
10,000 miles away from home and I still can’t avoid the damn Yankee fans!
So sure, we take a lot of shit from a lot of people and you know what? A lot of it is probably well-deserved. We’re the biggest kids on the block and sometimes we’re not very modest about it. But heck, it’s not really our fault. We’re a nation built on bravado and arrogance (What’s that? You want to tax our colonial asses and subjugate us to the Queen? Up yours, man! We’re starting our own damn country!)
Anyway…I like to think that, at the end of the day, our country really does symbolize the hopes and dreams of millions of people from nations around the world.
Except for maybe France. Now, I’ve spent a lot of time in France during the course of my life. In fact, I’ve probably been there about 15 times. But you want to know what? The French hate our fucking guts. It’s hard to believe they actually gave us the Statue of Liberty. They must have been throwing it out anyway. Because these people detest us.
As Dennis Miller once said, the French look at us and think we are one, big, collective Jethro bearing down on them, rope belt and all.
And you know something? In all fairness, we might be hicks, but at least we’re hicks who tend to our armpits more frequently than once every time Halley’s comet is in the solar system. These people avoid showers like a blonde at the Bates Motel. They had to invent perfume. It wasn’t an augmentation, it was a defense mechanism!
I once went there and met a beautiful young Parisian girl. The only problem was that she smelled like a a garbageman eating Gorganzola cheese while getting a perm inside the septic tank of a slaughterhouse.
And although we, as a nation, take a beating in the press, we’re still a great country. Not only do we create opportunity but we also create things of great beauty, things that unconsciously interweave the American attributes of ingenuity, optimism, and some good old-fashioned living.
Things like: “All You Can Eat” Restaurants, the Clapper, the Temporary Insanity Plea, cutting-edge CD-ROM technology used for porn, deep-fried cheese, rain ponchos for dogs, and beer can hats!
The list goes on and on!
As a matter of fact, you want to know what’s right with America more than anything? Our right to speak out about everything that’s wrong with it. Sure, our politicians seem crooked and ethically challenged. But you ever try to do business with a Chinese bureaucrat? Bargain with a Mexican federale? Or fight through red tape with the Pakistan Customs department? Hell, I have. And let me tell you something, there’s some days that I think we’re lucky to have the politicians we do have. At least, we get the opportunity to dump their asses when we want to!
There’s so much that IS right with America that it practically brings tears to my eyes. Traveling abroad brings that into clearer focus more than you could ever imagine. Sometimes, in order to best appreciate your one true love, you have to leave it for awhile.
So remind yourself of that every now and again, my friends.
Take the family on Route 66, shop at the Galleria, fire up that massive barbecue, have your breasts enlarged, have your penis lengthened, sue your fucking neighbor, eat three Big Macs, drive 120 mph, pay the ticket, and thank the heavens and the stars that you live in the greatest country in the history of civilization!
IF MY LOVE OF AMERICA DOESN’T BRING A TEAR TO YOUR EYE, MAYBE THIS WILL
I’ve been speaking to BossLady and the Peanut at least once a day while I’ve been gone. The Peanut, being only 2 1/2 years old, doesn’t really comprehend the fact that I’m away or understand why I’m gone. It’s been more than a little traumatic for her. When I spoke to her today, she cried into the phone, “I want to hug and kiss daddy. Where are you, daddy?”
Man, if that doesn’t just break your heart, I don’t know what will.
Why is it that when it comes to weight, it is so hard to lose and so easy to gain.
I wish money were like that. Simple to gain an extra 2 or 3 pounds in one week, and practically impossible to lose 1 pound in a week.
I wish I could be like my man, you know he is perfect, so of course he has the perfect body. He can eat literally 3 candy bars a night and not gain an ounce.
I watch him and gain 10 ounces.
Agh, the battle continues.
This is from a blog called metrodad.typepad.com
We love you kids. Really. Most of the time you’re absolutely adorable. That little thing you do when you wrap both your arms around our necks, kiss us on the cheek, and say, “I love you, daddy”? Kills us every time. We can’t get enough of that!
We also love that you’re speaking coherently now. Life is so much easier now that you can verbalize the fact that wearing green socks makes you go completely insane. Sorry about that. Really, we had no idea. Our bad.
Seeing your imaginations at work these days has been a blast. It’s unbelievably cute watching you use the remote control as a telephone. We wish you’d stop hiding it though. Putting it in the refrigerator was a good idea. We never would have looked there.
And who knew you toddlers were so damn funny? We LOVE that “everything is a hat” routine that you do. When you wrapped daddy’s jeans around your head, you looked like the cutest little suicide bomber this side of Tehran! And that comedy bit about pretending to eat the dog food is the funniest thing since Eddie Murphy’s “Raw.” Really, almost everything you do these days totally cracks us up.
But, listen up, my little 3-foot friends.
You’re not going to be toddlers forever. Pretty soon, that “being cute” thing is going to start wearing a little thin. You’re going to need to back it up with some serious substance. After all, the world is filled with formerly cute kids who couldn’t quite cut it at the next level. If you want all this continued love and affection, you’re going to need to raise your game.
Here’s some advice.
1. Enough with the whining. Nobody likes a whiner. Trust us on this one (if you don’t believe us, ask Michael Moore!) Seriously, you’ve really got to cut that out. It’s driving us fucking nuts. Every time you whine (especially in public,) you make us want to leave you on the side of the road. Besides, if you lazy toddlers ever took the time to run a cost/benefit analysis, you’d notice that the whining thing almost never pays off. Service with a smile always works better. Remember that, kiddos.
2. Make a decision and run with it. This waffling has got to stop. You toddlers change your minds faster than Rudy Guiliani changes his politics. Do you want the freaking apple or don’t you? Do you want to go in the stroller or not? Do you like looking at the pigeons or do they scare the crap out of you? You’re starting to remind us of that schizo ex-girlfriend from college. Never a good sign.
3. Knock off the diva routine. You toddlers have a bit of prima donna in you, n’est-ce pas? I know you’re part of the “ME Generation” but many of you behave like some spoiled actor who starts actually believing all the crap his publicists are telling him! So knock off the Sean Preston Federline act, kiddos. We’re not rock stars. We’re just regular, working parents. No breakfast at noon. No ice cream for lunch. And no 24-hour room service. Ok?
4. It’s NOT yours. You seem to have adopted a mantra of “If I can see it, it’s mine. If you have it, it’s mine. If I think about it, it’s mine.” Let me tell you something, kiddos. You know when all of us leave in the morning, only to return home 8 hours later? We’re at work earning a living. And while we’re firm believers in the “mi casa es su casa” philosophy and don’t really mind sharing our things with you, you need to ease up a little, ok? That Blackberry? Mine. Those car keys? Mine. The cell phone, the sunglasses, the ipod? Mine, mine, mine. Please keep your peanut-butter-and-jelly fingers off them.
5. Show some gratitude. There is no clean underwear fairy. There is no magic pop tart machine. And vomit doesn’t just clean itself up. We have no problem doing all these things for you. Just don’t take them for granted. After we’ve spent the past 4 hours blowing bubbles, drawing Elmo, pushing you on the swing, and wiping the dog poop off your shoes, sometimes we just need to hear a little “thank you” from you so that we don’t feel like indentured servants.
Thanks, toddlers. Feel free to take all of this advice with a grain of salt. We really do have your best interests at heart. Besides, in 15 years, you’re going to be begging us to buy you a car and you’ll totally be sucking up to us.
Our advice? Start now!
P.S. Where the heck did you put my Blackberry?
I am so sad today, this week, and last.
Everything was going so smooth and so great. I think actually the last bump in the road that hurt like this was last year this time when I was still in school. I did something stupid school wise and, well, it was no good.
Now, here I am planning my wedding, making invites, picking out my wedding dress and then all of a sudden, BAM. Crappy stuff happens. Only this time, it didn’t happen directly to me. Crappy stuff happened to my man, and since I am an extension of him, or we are of each other. Basically, if something bad happens to him, it happens to me. His stress is my stress and vice versa. And that is bad enough, three big yucky things to deal with.
But, that isn’t the end of it. Bad things are going on in my brothers life too. I would rather all the yucky stuff come in my life. Because I have faith in God, and I know eventually, everything will be ok.
But, my brother, he isn’t exactly an open book when it comes to his feelings. So, I don’t know how he deals. I wonder to myself, does he ever cry? Maybe, when he is alone in his truck driving the long drive home. Does he think about his troubles and feel despair. I picture him alone with his thoughts, feeling overwhelmed with life. That makes me cry. I would like to take all of his troubles and put them on me.
Today, I talked to my dad and I could hear the sadness in his voice. He is sad because his children are hitting rough patches in life and he can’t fix it. So that makes me sad too.
I don’t understand why we all have to go through crap all at once it seems. I know that God has a reason, but right now, it is so hard to see.
Dang I love The View. It is like my educational adult hour.
Today they are talking about a documentary about Abu Ghraib. I think it is called Ghosts of Abu Ghraib.
It is about the torturing of prisoners there.
The main point I got, something I already knew. Is that the torturing was not something the low ranking officers thought up on thier own and decided to carry out. The commands to torture came from way up near the top of the chain of command. Duh.
But, of course the little guys on the totem pole take the blame for it and the high ranking officials skate on through.
Our administration is Fucked up. Sorry. But it is.
This story was in the Missoulian today.
When Scott Nelson Anderson was arrested Friday on two counts of felony assault, for allegedly fracturing his infant son’s skull, legs and ribs, he posted a $30,000 bond and was back on the street within hours.Anderson, 36, of Missoula, was arrested again early Monday morning after firing a round from his hunting rifle near Missoula’s Northside Park.When police arrived at the park, which is at Cooley Street and Worden Avenue, the man was holding the loaded rifle and admitted firing it into the air. Anderson told police he was suicidal, but had no intention of harming anyone. He was taken to jail on a misdemeanor charge of negligent endangerment.
But two hours later, Anderson had posted a $500 bond and was again released, even though he’d violated the conditions of Friday’s release by firing the gun.By late Monday afternoon, police had obtained a petition to revoke Anderson’s bail, as well as a $500,000 warrant for the man’s arrest. He was taken to jail at about 5 p.m., and will appear Tuesday in Missoula County Justice Court on the petition to revoke his bail.Anderson will likely remain jailed on the higher bail amount.
Anderson is charged with one count of aggravated assault and another for assault on a minor, both felonies. He faces a maximum penalty of 25 years in the Montana State Prison and $100,000 in fines.
According to charging documents, police began investigating Anderson on Feb. 17 after his 7-week-old son was hospitalized for a skull fracture. Anderson decided to have doctors look at the baby after his wife called him at work to complain that the baby’s head was “squishy” and swollen.
Anderson told social workers at Community Medical Center that he’d been feeding the baby earlier in the morning but had tripped on his pajama pants, falling and landing on the baby, a story he’d also told his wife.
However, further medical assessments revealed the baby had suffered additional injuries several weeks earlier, including fractures in both legs, a fractured rib, a skull fracture, a brain bleed and a hematoma.
When Anderson learned of the older injuries, he told detectives about an incident two weeks earlier when he had grown frustrated and “lost it” because his son was fussy and wouldn’t calm down.
Anderson said he’d grabbed the baby’s leg, carried the infant upside down from the living room to the bedroom and “swung” the baby into a crib. When the baby landed, his head struck a wooden portion of the crib, and Anderson admitted the incident likely caused the leg and skull fractures. After the baby hit his head, Anderson held him in a “bear hug” that “was way too tight,” most likely causing the rib fracture.
Medical experts in Salt Lake City reviewed the baby’s case and determined that his skull fracture, leg fracture and hematoma were approximately two weeks old.
Deputy Missoula County Attorney Suzy Boylan, who is prosecuting the case, said doctors expect the baby to make a full recovery from his injuries. The infant is currently in protective custody.
The administration has said if you question the war in Iraq, then, you don’t support the troops.
Well, this whole Walter Reed hospital debacle has shown that the administration obviously does not support our troops.
Go to war, serve and protect, get injured then come home and get no health care.
Hopefully Bob Woodruff can bring some light on the poor health care that our returning soldiers are recieving.
Not that most people weren’t aware already.
Can’t get the theme song from her show out of my head.
I know every site on the net is talking about her death. And I know, I am behind on talking about it.
Entertainment Tonight is going overboard on the coverage. So, I will keep my thoughts short.
I think that Howard K Stern had something to do with her death. Even if it wasn’t malicious, he was negligent. Serioulsy, who lets someone they supposedly love stay all doped up all the time. Even if they are in mourning.
The sadest thing of all though, is that with all the money that comes with Dannilynn, we will never know for sure who has her best interest in mind.
On Sunday I got to go skiing. It was my first day away from Atticus.
Well, my first day away that was just for me. I have spent time away, but it is always at work.
I don’t know if it was the combination of fresh air and getting the blood pumping or the quiet of the mountains, but when I got home I couldn’t stop smiling. I felt so refreshed.
Atticus seemed happier too when I came home. He must be able to sense my moods.
The day was just perfect. The snow was pretty descent and the sun was shining. It was just great.
Now, I want to go every weekend. I can’t stop thinking about skiing. I miss the Anetelope Butte days when Kristin and I would go almost every weekend.
Maybe I’ll be like the granolas I saw who packed thier babies on thier back and skiied. Ya, just kidding.
I am going to make an effort though to go a few more times this year.